Overcoming Midlife Crisis
When I was in my 20's and 30's, I came across people who were going through midlife crisis, and I remember thinking to myself...
“Why would anybody need to go through this, what’s in that age group that makes people to go through this?”
I certainly could not relate to these people and what they had to go through. I believe, at that point in my life, I couldn't see myself going through such a harsh time in my life. I didn't have to think about having a lot of impact on people’s life or how to care for those who would be dependent on me. Another really naive thought was that midlife crisis is something that one could prevent if they wanted to and perhaps, since I was young, I could learn from the mistakes those who were suffering through it.
I was totally wrong. At 48 years old - it hit me and hit me hard!
To be honest, it was at a point when I had least expected it. Seemingly, everything was in order - co-owner of a very successful real estate investment company, selling over a million dollar worth of properties a month, making an average monthly profit of $400,000, unhappily married but had two wonderful kids, lived in a great neighborhood, had a great social life, and we were vacationing at least 2-3 times a year. Why would anyone have a midlife crisis during this point in their life? That was the kind of life I had been dreaming about. I couldn’t imagine that I would have to go through a horrible midlife crisis.
Summer 2011, I decided to separate from my first wife. While starting the divorce process I had been thinking it would be a beginning of a better life for myself and for my children. My now ex-wife didn't take it well and made the divorce process a living hell by hiring a slick attorney to make false accusations against me.
At the same exact time, my business then partners decided to take advantage of my divorce and found a very “creative” way to expel me out of the company. They locked me out of all the mutual bank accounts and company assets.
All at once, I found myself battling in courts against two forces who tried to take and destroy everything I had - even my dignity.
The money slipped through my fingers without a trace, leaving only high legal expenses, no means to live, no place to live, and hardly anyone to help. My family (my mother and my siblings)were my only supporters and they helped me get through this bad storm.
All of a sudden from a high position of a successful entrepreneur I found myself dependent on other people to support me.
Suddenly it felt like the world was upside down for me. Nothing in my life had prepared me for that moment. There’s no school that prepares you for loss, trauma, or injustice. No school can teach you how to go about all of it once it has robbed you of almost everything you have.
The Turning Point
I decided not to give up on my life. This is how:
1. Finding your inner strength. This will keep you motivated and lift you up from the sadness, sorrow and anger.
2. Stay optimistic and positive. Remove sources of negativity from your life.
3. Make a plan to get out of the situation as fast as possible and be very determined to make it happen in reality.
In the end, I didn’t let any destruction to get in my way to achieve my next goal and success. Everything was just one step at a time. Here was my plan:
First, I had to resolve the court cases. It was the number one source of negativity that had to be removed. This took me about a year to resolve.
In the meantime I was devoted to keep seeing and speaking to my precious kids on a daily basis. They were another source of motivation and happiness.
Second, I started working on my business plan. Once I had the strategies and contacts in place, the business could get going. With some time, I had a real operating business in place that was generating decent income on a monthly basis.
Falling into a midlife crisis can be a very devastating experience and might seem like the end of life. However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that it is also an opportunity to develop a new life. The best way to find the light, is to search for it. Get a new perspective.
When 2014 came around, I relocated to the US and soon after met my present wife and together we have a blended family of 5 kids.
So in case you run into any crisis, always remember there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, don’t get discouraged by the obstacles coming in your way, think of them like footsteps or stairs if you will, that will lead you up to the top of the mountain. And enjoy your journey, have fun while climbing, don’t waste this precious time feeling miserable and angry.